Post by The Roy on Nov 6, 2008 2:56:08 GMT -5
“NO, THAT’S NOT FAIR! SHE ALREADY SWUNG!”
The scene opens up to The Roy. His cowboy sits out of place. On this rare occasion we find his hat not on his head, but in his lap. The room is dark. His face is still with an occasional soft blink of the eyes. His long black hair rains over his shoulders draping the all black T-shirt he wears. The Roy’s pupils are small and full of color at this particular time. Sitting at his side, atop and old wooden table is an even older film projector. It makes small smacking sounds as the film rolls rapidly in its holster. The light used to project the images flicker quickly. Enabling as visual aid to The Roy and his hat. He lays one hand over the hat, and the other at his chin. Sitting in deep thought, he stares at the screen which is out of our site. Although the sounds from the recording play loudly.
We hear glass breaking, we hear screaming. What first seemed to be kids playing in the park has turned into some sort of a disarray. We then hear a quick static, followed by the song Free Bird. There is a slight weeping and sniffling sound from within the projector. Still unable to see the images we can only assume that it s flipping from one documented experience to the next. The lights cast over The Roy like a flashback of pain. His nose is a slight red, his eyes sort of puffy. Obviously holding back years of suppressed emotions, The Roy still stares at the video’s. Like a car crash, painful to watch, yet just as hard to look away. The Roy sniffles slightly and clears his throat.
There is one field, of three sorts, in which we can define everybody in this world. The way we deal with our pain. There are those who try and hide from it. They dodge in and out of conflicts. Trying to avoid every dart. However, things don’t ever work out that way. Sometimes the problem are just so in your face, that you can’t dodge it no matter which way you point your head. Then there are those who feel the need to lash out on others. Life as dragged them through the dirt so much that they can’t find joy in anything. They figure if they can simply reject everyone else before they get close, then nobody will have the chance to reject them first. If the dog bits you all your life, then it won’t feel as bad when it simply takes a dump on your shoe. If all you know is misery, and if you never feel joy, then it’s normal. It feels right.
They figure that, if they can take joy away themselves, then there is no opportunity for anyone else to take that away from them. But, is that really any kind of life to live? Staying in the flames, just so they burn less over time? No. It’s not. I’ve been there and I’ve gone through it all. It’s not fun. You become the prick of the office, the family, or even the community. You become this robotic being taking no enjoyment out of life all because you’re scared to take that risk. Everybody begins to treat you the same way that you treat them. With misery, disrespect, hate, anger….It’s all the same. And when you reach that level of misery, when you finally reach that point where no one on the earth will give you the time of day, it gets cold. Standing in the artic, couldn’t even brace you for the cold chill of knowing that the world would be a much better place without you.
However, I just want to say, that although that person may not greet you with roses, it would still be nice to try and reach out to them. Because just maybe that person has endured more in their life than you could ever imagine. Just maybe that person craves your affection more than you crave that flower filled greeting. And just maybe in that rare case, that person NEEDS it. Because when the day comes that that guy walks into the work place with a shot gun painting the place red, maybe he’ll give second thought to pulling the trigger on you. I’m not making a joke, I’m not even playing just a little bit because although you might know that kind of person, I know what it is like the BE that person.
The Roy’s eyes have not strayed even for a slight second from the images projected onto his living room wall. The camera turns slowly to the wall as The Roy runs his finger along the edge of his hat, trying to gather his thoughts and control his emotions. We see a middle aged woman, sitting with a young baby in her lap. Roughly 1 year of age. Parallel to the two of them is a slightly older looking male with black hair greased to the back of his neck. His face and arms are marked with tattoo’s of many sorts and sizes. In the background is a young teenage boy. He looks at the camera lens as the two adults bicker back and forth. The Christmas tree behind them, and stocking on the wall signal that the camera was most likely a gift, for celebrating the holiday season. The arguing between the older ones progress as the man’s face turns red. His neck muscles begin to bulge.
“I even went out and bought you a ****** present and you just act like a *****”
“Big deal, do you want a cookie? How about buying some formula for your kid every once in a while”
“Man, whatever”
The man tosses the present at the woman. In the heat of it all, she retaliates. With the present coming close in contact with new born baby, she briefly looses her cool. She picks the parcel from her lap and throws it like a frisby into the mans head. It breaks in half and peeks from behind the scuffled wrapping paper. Two halves of a pink plate, with the ears of a stuffed animal resting on it. The plate has drawn blood on the mans head. Many more violent words are exchanged as the man wipes his blood onto the woman, yelling and screaming for her to look what she had done. The woman places the baby into the teenage boys lap and begins punching on the man. A Quick static comes over the screen as we are switched to another location. A small bedroom consisting of many odds and ends suitable for a teen age boy. The Camera is on him as he records a live wrestling show. His phone rings….
“Hello?……………………………................................You want me to keep her downstairs so you can get dressed to go out to the bar on today of all days, even though you’ve been gone all day.”
The boy seems saddened by the news at first, then a smile washes over his face.
“Ok yeah, I can keep her downstairs. No I don’t mind.”
The boy looks over to a small child sleeping in the bed. He looks into the camera.
“My mother said she wants me to keep my sister, down here so that she can get dressed to go to the bar. But I know how she is. She just wants me to stay down here so that she can sneak in with my aunt and they can try and surprise me. Anyway, Let’s get back to the match!”
The boy redirects the camera at his television screen, as our LOE camera goes back to The Roy. His eyebrows are almost smashed together as his Adams apple bounces from a hard swallow and look of discontent. The Lights still flickering, and the projector still clacking, The Roy mumbles more words through his scratchy throat.
The last sort being, he who bottles it all up. He who lashes out not on those around him, but on the person they see when they wake up and look into the mirror every morning. The person who takes all the pain and misery out on themselves. That person may be thought to be a swan of sorts by those who know them. But whenever they reflect on themselves all they see is the ugly duckling, the rotten apple. They go out into society, and they wear their fake smiles and wave around a big thumbs up. Society looks at the mask they wear and see all is well. They look into the giant plastic grin and they fall for it. They return the thumbs up and return to their life. It takes a person who has been to that point, to see behind the mask. It takes experience to know that not every smile is a happy one. When that person gets home, they take the mask of and they sit. They destroy themselves from the inside out. And it’s just as lonely for them as it is for that person pushing everyone away.
When you're unable to let go of your past, or let go of anything for that matter. When years of pain catch up with you, you can be in an entire arena filled with people screaming your name, and you’re still the loneliest person on earth. Again I encourage you, reach out to that person. The next time someone bothers you because they’re clingy, or annoying, sit and think how that person must feel. Trying to connect with someone, ANYONE, and just be rejected. You don’t want to be the person to walk in the room one day and see that person hanging motionless from the ceiling with a note on the table beside them.
The Roy licks his lips and lifts his eyebrows for better view. There is a ringing sound on coming from the projector. LOE’s camera turns to see what has caught The Roy’s attention. The young man on the screen is flipping open his cell phone.
“Hello?….Ok.”
Just as quickly, he closes the phone. He grabs the camera from his dresser and walks out the door. He walks up a flight of wooden stairs and opens yet another door. There is a wooden table standing above a wooden kitchen floor. On top of it is a carton that used to carry six coors light beers, places in the center of a blue plastic bag. The boy sits his camera on the table and looks around. Nobody is there. He walks over the window, pulls apart the blinds to check the drive way. Still nothing. He looks back towards the table and notices a green envelope. The front reads, “Roy.” He opens the envelope and pulls out a card. He reads the contents with the words “Happy Birthday!” written on the front. The drops down his arms and seems saddened. Obviously expecting a surprise, he receives nothing. Instead he stands cold and alone, in an empty house.
His eyes are watered as he reaches for the camera, shutting it off. Before the projector can switch to another clip, our camera turns back to The Roy. His eyes the same color, and just as wet as the eyes of the poor child in the video. His eyebrows are once again smashed together in agony. He begins to move his jaw as if chewing something. He reaches out beside him and presses a switch on the noisy machine. The light on it goes out, and the wheel of film slowly stops turning. The only light we have now is from a candle lit in the background. The Roy is just a shadow at this point, with his feet seemingly dancing as the candle light sways the shadows left and right. With the film now at a halt, we can hear The Roy’s heavy breath. He still sits still with his emotions under control. Although they are all scratching at the surface, screaming for release, he somehow manages to keep them all behind bars.
I know you all must be wondering, what is the point of this. Why am I defining the world as I see it. Well, beyond the obvious of trying to enlighten you on the feelings of people other than yourself, I’m trying to give you a better understanding of me. I am the person, who ducks in and out between each of these ways of coping with life. Sometimes I hide from it, sometimes I lash on others, and sometimes I lash on myself. But eventually, I always take the problem head on. I come face to face with it. I cry, scream, laugh. Whatever is appropriate for that time and then I move on. Last week I lost to John Morrison. A man who I know, a man that even he knows, and a man that everyone else in this world knows should not be able to beat me even on his best day.
That’s behind me now. It’s time to deal with the present and look to the future. That future being Raven. A man who has been screwing me over left and right since I arrived in LOE. His time will come. Raven is one huge problem that I plan to take on head on as I do any other. Looking to the future…is always fun. Or scary, depending on the present. That present being The Hellman, G-stone. A man who over his career has gained a win or two over the legendary bird himself. What better way to send a message to Raven, then to beat a man whom he cannot beat. What better way to gain the upper hand than to show your problem that you are much stronger than it, and proving to yourself that you can overcome even bigger badder news before getting to the root of it all. And even if Raven doesn’t get the message. So what if G-stone doesn’t think that I can beat him.
I’m sure he’ll have a speech prepared for me filled with more BS than both John McCain and Barack Obama put together. At the end of the day I don’t need mind games. All I need is myself. I needed need mind games to make it through my child hood, and I didn’t need mind games all of those times a won championship gold. All I needed is myself. So let me present this theory to you G-stone. If a man stands in front of a wrecking ball with his head held high, his ego swelled up and his cockiness flaring for all to see, does it make any difference. If a man claims to be bigger and stronger than that two ton wrecking ball swinging at his faster than he can think, does it change the outcome. The answer is NO. It does not. Regardless of how brave, how much heart, and how much confidence you have, the wrecking ball is still going to smash you. When it is you Vs. the wrecking ball nothing else matters, nothing you say matters, and nothing you do matters.
The outcome is always the same. It ends with you beaten, bloodied, battered and defeated. Same thing happens when it is G-Stone Vs. The Roy. Same thing happens this Friday live on the land of the extreme. G-Stone walks in, head held high, everything else where it always is, then walks out….beaten….battered….and most importantly, defeated. Everybody has a pinnacle in which they place them self. Weather it be the best at hop scotch, the best at monopoly or the best looking. My pinnacle is that 3 foot high square that I go into every week standing proud and dominant. G-Stone, I don’t know how you deal with you’re misery but you better have a damn good system because this week, is my week for lashing out on others. If you’re trying to find the place where you belong, the pinnacle to which you can stand comfortably on, than I advise you keep looking, cause I’m not giving up mine.
The Roy reaches both hands down to the rims of his hat. He slowly raises it over his head, and gently places it on his cranium. He twists it left and right over his hair, almost screwing it on. He stands up and walks off to the distance. He places two fingers over the wick to the candle, smothering the flame and causing it to burn out.
To this image, the camera fades to black.
The scene opens up to The Roy. His cowboy sits out of place. On this rare occasion we find his hat not on his head, but in his lap. The room is dark. His face is still with an occasional soft blink of the eyes. His long black hair rains over his shoulders draping the all black T-shirt he wears. The Roy’s pupils are small and full of color at this particular time. Sitting at his side, atop and old wooden table is an even older film projector. It makes small smacking sounds as the film rolls rapidly in its holster. The light used to project the images flicker quickly. Enabling as visual aid to The Roy and his hat. He lays one hand over the hat, and the other at his chin. Sitting in deep thought, he stares at the screen which is out of our site. Although the sounds from the recording play loudly.
We hear glass breaking, we hear screaming. What first seemed to be kids playing in the park has turned into some sort of a disarray. We then hear a quick static, followed by the song Free Bird. There is a slight weeping and sniffling sound from within the projector. Still unable to see the images we can only assume that it s flipping from one documented experience to the next. The lights cast over The Roy like a flashback of pain. His nose is a slight red, his eyes sort of puffy. Obviously holding back years of suppressed emotions, The Roy still stares at the video’s. Like a car crash, painful to watch, yet just as hard to look away. The Roy sniffles slightly and clears his throat.
There is one field, of three sorts, in which we can define everybody in this world. The way we deal with our pain. There are those who try and hide from it. They dodge in and out of conflicts. Trying to avoid every dart. However, things don’t ever work out that way. Sometimes the problem are just so in your face, that you can’t dodge it no matter which way you point your head. Then there are those who feel the need to lash out on others. Life as dragged them through the dirt so much that they can’t find joy in anything. They figure if they can simply reject everyone else before they get close, then nobody will have the chance to reject them first. If the dog bits you all your life, then it won’t feel as bad when it simply takes a dump on your shoe. If all you know is misery, and if you never feel joy, then it’s normal. It feels right.
They figure that, if they can take joy away themselves, then there is no opportunity for anyone else to take that away from them. But, is that really any kind of life to live? Staying in the flames, just so they burn less over time? No. It’s not. I’ve been there and I’ve gone through it all. It’s not fun. You become the prick of the office, the family, or even the community. You become this robotic being taking no enjoyment out of life all because you’re scared to take that risk. Everybody begins to treat you the same way that you treat them. With misery, disrespect, hate, anger….It’s all the same. And when you reach that level of misery, when you finally reach that point where no one on the earth will give you the time of day, it gets cold. Standing in the artic, couldn’t even brace you for the cold chill of knowing that the world would be a much better place without you.
However, I just want to say, that although that person may not greet you with roses, it would still be nice to try and reach out to them. Because just maybe that person has endured more in their life than you could ever imagine. Just maybe that person craves your affection more than you crave that flower filled greeting. And just maybe in that rare case, that person NEEDS it. Because when the day comes that that guy walks into the work place with a shot gun painting the place red, maybe he’ll give second thought to pulling the trigger on you. I’m not making a joke, I’m not even playing just a little bit because although you might know that kind of person, I know what it is like the BE that person.
The Roy’s eyes have not strayed even for a slight second from the images projected onto his living room wall. The camera turns slowly to the wall as The Roy runs his finger along the edge of his hat, trying to gather his thoughts and control his emotions. We see a middle aged woman, sitting with a young baby in her lap. Roughly 1 year of age. Parallel to the two of them is a slightly older looking male with black hair greased to the back of his neck. His face and arms are marked with tattoo’s of many sorts and sizes. In the background is a young teenage boy. He looks at the camera lens as the two adults bicker back and forth. The Christmas tree behind them, and stocking on the wall signal that the camera was most likely a gift, for celebrating the holiday season. The arguing between the older ones progress as the man’s face turns red. His neck muscles begin to bulge.
“I even went out and bought you a ****** present and you just act like a *****”
“Big deal, do you want a cookie? How about buying some formula for your kid every once in a while”
“Man, whatever”
The man tosses the present at the woman. In the heat of it all, she retaliates. With the present coming close in contact with new born baby, she briefly looses her cool. She picks the parcel from her lap and throws it like a frisby into the mans head. It breaks in half and peeks from behind the scuffled wrapping paper. Two halves of a pink plate, with the ears of a stuffed animal resting on it. The plate has drawn blood on the mans head. Many more violent words are exchanged as the man wipes his blood onto the woman, yelling and screaming for her to look what she had done. The woman places the baby into the teenage boys lap and begins punching on the man. A Quick static comes over the screen as we are switched to another location. A small bedroom consisting of many odds and ends suitable for a teen age boy. The Camera is on him as he records a live wrestling show. His phone rings….
“Hello?……………………………................................You want me to keep her downstairs so you can get dressed to go out to the bar on today of all days, even though you’ve been gone all day.”
The boy seems saddened by the news at first, then a smile washes over his face.
“Ok yeah, I can keep her downstairs. No I don’t mind.”
The boy looks over to a small child sleeping in the bed. He looks into the camera.
“My mother said she wants me to keep my sister, down here so that she can get dressed to go to the bar. But I know how she is. She just wants me to stay down here so that she can sneak in with my aunt and they can try and surprise me. Anyway, Let’s get back to the match!”
The boy redirects the camera at his television screen, as our LOE camera goes back to The Roy. His eyebrows are almost smashed together as his Adams apple bounces from a hard swallow and look of discontent. The Lights still flickering, and the projector still clacking, The Roy mumbles more words through his scratchy throat.
The last sort being, he who bottles it all up. He who lashes out not on those around him, but on the person they see when they wake up and look into the mirror every morning. The person who takes all the pain and misery out on themselves. That person may be thought to be a swan of sorts by those who know them. But whenever they reflect on themselves all they see is the ugly duckling, the rotten apple. They go out into society, and they wear their fake smiles and wave around a big thumbs up. Society looks at the mask they wear and see all is well. They look into the giant plastic grin and they fall for it. They return the thumbs up and return to their life. It takes a person who has been to that point, to see behind the mask. It takes experience to know that not every smile is a happy one. When that person gets home, they take the mask of and they sit. They destroy themselves from the inside out. And it’s just as lonely for them as it is for that person pushing everyone away.
When you're unable to let go of your past, or let go of anything for that matter. When years of pain catch up with you, you can be in an entire arena filled with people screaming your name, and you’re still the loneliest person on earth. Again I encourage you, reach out to that person. The next time someone bothers you because they’re clingy, or annoying, sit and think how that person must feel. Trying to connect with someone, ANYONE, and just be rejected. You don’t want to be the person to walk in the room one day and see that person hanging motionless from the ceiling with a note on the table beside them.
The Roy licks his lips and lifts his eyebrows for better view. There is a ringing sound on coming from the projector. LOE’s camera turns to see what has caught The Roy’s attention. The young man on the screen is flipping open his cell phone.
“Hello?….Ok.”
Just as quickly, he closes the phone. He grabs the camera from his dresser and walks out the door. He walks up a flight of wooden stairs and opens yet another door. There is a wooden table standing above a wooden kitchen floor. On top of it is a carton that used to carry six coors light beers, places in the center of a blue plastic bag. The boy sits his camera on the table and looks around. Nobody is there. He walks over the window, pulls apart the blinds to check the drive way. Still nothing. He looks back towards the table and notices a green envelope. The front reads, “Roy.” He opens the envelope and pulls out a card. He reads the contents with the words “Happy Birthday!” written on the front. The drops down his arms and seems saddened. Obviously expecting a surprise, he receives nothing. Instead he stands cold and alone, in an empty house.
His eyes are watered as he reaches for the camera, shutting it off. Before the projector can switch to another clip, our camera turns back to The Roy. His eyes the same color, and just as wet as the eyes of the poor child in the video. His eyebrows are once again smashed together in agony. He begins to move his jaw as if chewing something. He reaches out beside him and presses a switch on the noisy machine. The light on it goes out, and the wheel of film slowly stops turning. The only light we have now is from a candle lit in the background. The Roy is just a shadow at this point, with his feet seemingly dancing as the candle light sways the shadows left and right. With the film now at a halt, we can hear The Roy’s heavy breath. He still sits still with his emotions under control. Although they are all scratching at the surface, screaming for release, he somehow manages to keep them all behind bars.
I know you all must be wondering, what is the point of this. Why am I defining the world as I see it. Well, beyond the obvious of trying to enlighten you on the feelings of people other than yourself, I’m trying to give you a better understanding of me. I am the person, who ducks in and out between each of these ways of coping with life. Sometimes I hide from it, sometimes I lash on others, and sometimes I lash on myself. But eventually, I always take the problem head on. I come face to face with it. I cry, scream, laugh. Whatever is appropriate for that time and then I move on. Last week I lost to John Morrison. A man who I know, a man that even he knows, and a man that everyone else in this world knows should not be able to beat me even on his best day.
That’s behind me now. It’s time to deal with the present and look to the future. That future being Raven. A man who has been screwing me over left and right since I arrived in LOE. His time will come. Raven is one huge problem that I plan to take on head on as I do any other. Looking to the future…is always fun. Or scary, depending on the present. That present being The Hellman, G-stone. A man who over his career has gained a win or two over the legendary bird himself. What better way to send a message to Raven, then to beat a man whom he cannot beat. What better way to gain the upper hand than to show your problem that you are much stronger than it, and proving to yourself that you can overcome even bigger badder news before getting to the root of it all. And even if Raven doesn’t get the message. So what if G-stone doesn’t think that I can beat him.
I’m sure he’ll have a speech prepared for me filled with more BS than both John McCain and Barack Obama put together. At the end of the day I don’t need mind games. All I need is myself. I needed need mind games to make it through my child hood, and I didn’t need mind games all of those times a won championship gold. All I needed is myself. So let me present this theory to you G-stone. If a man stands in front of a wrecking ball with his head held high, his ego swelled up and his cockiness flaring for all to see, does it make any difference. If a man claims to be bigger and stronger than that two ton wrecking ball swinging at his faster than he can think, does it change the outcome. The answer is NO. It does not. Regardless of how brave, how much heart, and how much confidence you have, the wrecking ball is still going to smash you. When it is you Vs. the wrecking ball nothing else matters, nothing you say matters, and nothing you do matters.
The outcome is always the same. It ends with you beaten, bloodied, battered and defeated. Same thing happens when it is G-Stone Vs. The Roy. Same thing happens this Friday live on the land of the extreme. G-Stone walks in, head held high, everything else where it always is, then walks out….beaten….battered….and most importantly, defeated. Everybody has a pinnacle in which they place them self. Weather it be the best at hop scotch, the best at monopoly or the best looking. My pinnacle is that 3 foot high square that I go into every week standing proud and dominant. G-Stone, I don’t know how you deal with you’re misery but you better have a damn good system because this week, is my week for lashing out on others. If you’re trying to find the place where you belong, the pinnacle to which you can stand comfortably on, than I advise you keep looking, cause I’m not giving up mine.
The Roy reaches both hands down to the rims of his hat. He slowly raises it over his head, and gently places it on his cranium. He twists it left and right over his hair, almost screwing it on. He stands up and walks off to the distance. He places two fingers over the wick to the candle, smothering the flame and causing it to burn out.
To this image, the camera fades to black.
